Soul Exchange : Falling To The Altar And Begging For Salvation

Introduction :

When you are a Christian it is easy to walk the walk and talk the talk, the defining difference between a Radical Christian and a christian in it for the label is whether you will exchange the Soul Exchange. Would you be so desperate and so craving of salvation that you’re willing to give up your old soul? The soul which was deprived of a heavenly spirit and the little that was there only sucked on the evils of this world? The little satisfaction the world provides cannot be compared to Jesus’s salvation but it is the only feeling we ever knew. When goods of the world and sin satisfy our souls for 30 seconds, it becomes extremely hard to be willing to part with them. This sense of control of our “happiness” is what binds the world to our soul and prevents us from fully exchanging ours for Jesus’s salvation.


Fallen Knees :

I ran inside because it was freezing and locked myself in the darkness of the bathroom next to my parent’s bedroom. I wanted to be close. I needed to be close. I needed to feel God feel my feelings for them.

Release your control in exchange for God’s control. It is difficult for us but that is what must be done in order to fully be saturated in the Lord because Jesus can only be in a relationship with you if you possess a heavenly soul primed to communicate. The first step is always showing some form of submission to His almighty power and asking the Lord for his mercy, grace, love, life, and saving at the altar. My form of submission was falling to my knees begging for Him. It is to feel your soul break apart with great pain, in order to allow Jesus Christ hold it in His hand and to mend it a new soul which can hold our new heavenly spirits. Through our spirit, incredible miracles happen and through our spirit, we feel the Lord like never before. I wonder if God would be disappointed knowing my altar was on the toilet of my childhood home.


The Altar :

I will be blunt, God could give two-shits about where in the world your altar is. The altar does not have to be an elegant and majestic raised area covered with marbled with holy artifacts surrounding. Look, an altar is a divine spiritual experience that cannot be bound to an item or object, it is a powerful event that transcends all earthly artifacts and when that event happens it is more beautiful than the Big Bang for when that event happens, angels in the heavens sing and our God smiles. That event is the event when you are so tired and weary of this world thereafter you crave for Jesus’s salvation. It is a beautiful defining moment in every Christians’ life. We all have an altar and it doesn’t have to be in front of an audience. There’s only one audience it’s God, with Jesus and His Holy Spirit. That’s your audience. This is why I truly believe He would not be disappointed knowing the moment that I cried out to him was on the toilet. This is why I truly believe he was happiest when I was on that toilet. So a toilet can be a place for a saving. Hallelujah, praise the Lord! Honestly, what He saw was one of his children seeking him like how a baby cries out to his mother for survival. I was crying out to my Father for nourishment because I was starving for life.


Flowing Spirit :

I was crying for the Lord and for his guidance for 5 hours straight. I cried so much I needed a break to rehydrate. I didn’t know I could feel so much because I was emotionless the previous three years. It felt really refreshing to me though and crying out to him made me realize how ignorant I was the past few years. Actually, my whole life. I remember just willing to give up my soul because I couldn’t do it alone and this soul was not made for an individual. This soul was made to do God’s will. I remember asking for God to take my weakness and shame. I remember asking God to give me a soul which would not be bounded by this would but be unlimited in growth through a spirit that would reach beyond the sun and moon. A spirit so strong and inflamed in your love that it would reach you and the heavens. A spirit compatible and desiring of Jesus Christ. I prayed with all the praying muscle I could muster up for your grace and mercy. He was the answer to my questions and I knew it deep inside my heart. I have never prayed so hard or cried so much for God Almighty. It woke me up filled with a renewed energy and I was primed to start my Christian life. The exchanging of your control to our Father is powerful because we are made in His image and so we also have His love and when we choose to give up our side of the equation is when the Lord can fully assert his power in your life. It truly is stronger when an individual actively chooses Christ out of love and not obligation and fear.


“If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.”

Luke 9:23


New Beginnings :

What was your first altar? What was the first moment you were willing to give up your soul for a new soul compatible with Jesus Christ our savior? Endings are not truly endings. They are fresh beginnings. Can you not see? When I gave up my soul it was not the end of myself. It was a brand new blessed beginning with Jesus Christ my savior. I realized a soul of the world exchanged for a soul of holiness is eternal life. Following in the steps of Jesus provides you great amounts of resilience, grit, and toughness when the world tries to put you down. God build upon our strengths, not our weaknesses and Jesus allows us to use our strengths to the fullest. It was a huge step for me and honestly, I was uncomfortable but there a sense of relief knowing that death, whether it be me, my parents, or the world would not hold me back.


Father, The World :

Father, I pray for all of humanity to find their peace at your altar. I pray they find their altar to be the moment they realize that they need you. There is no greater love than your salvation and through your Son’s sacrifice and resurrection, we are redeemed. I pray that those who have found peace are engulfed in your holiness and are strengthened beyond their human limitations. I pray we, your kingdom fighters on earth, will have the audacity to live our life in your name and to have the strength to rise above the persecutions and oppression of the world. Lord, you are the truth and the way and through Jesus Christ, we may know you. I pray We, your children, are granted mighty power to fulfill your will. Thank you for watching over us and helping us mend our broken souls in order to empower and equip our spirits with the will of fire of the one true high God.


In the name of Jesus Christ my Savior,


Soul Release : Confrontation And Giving Up Control Of Your Soul

Introduction :

What was my soul at that point and what did it amount to after I was flooded with the questions that turned me to question my reality? These were questions that were difficult for me to answer, let alone face alone. I can answer every mathematical and scientific question, but once you ask me a deeper question then I spiral into a frenzy.  My soul prior was set and any alterations would have drastic effects if my soul could be altered at all.


First Contact :

My soul was in pain and it was yearning for healing or at the least, answers. I can tell you one thing for sure though, my soul was on the verge of breaking and it was either going to break apart into pieces forever to be broken or it was going to break apart to be reassembled. It was really up to me to decide the fate of my soul. Now, I was at the stage where because I had overcome depression and I wasn’t “sad”, I thought I could handle anything life would throw at me. This is my pride. This is my weakness. This the part of my humanity that always holds me back! Truth is, this hurdle was beyond life, it was a divine interference. The prior event made another part of me come into fruition that I did not think I had possessed. It was the ability to call on others for help. It was to call my brother so that I may allow the Lord’s Will to be done through him.

Even though usually I never went out of my way to ask for help, this time was different because somewhere deep inside me guided my belief that I needed to talk to someone and I needed to do it now.

It took me 5 minutes of pacing and staring at my phone before I picked up my phone to call my brother, Hua Yong. Honestly, I didn’t even think he was going to pick it up because it was about eleven at night  At the time I did it because I had nothing to lose and now I know that if God wanted it to happen, He will make it happen. Be assured of that. When it was ringing I became anxious because I didn’t know what to say. It was weird for me to ask for help. Sadly, I never call any of my siblings when I am facing challenges.


Breaking Point :

When my brother picked up, I lost it instantly. I seriously thought I was going to last more than 3 minutes at least! But all the pain, suffering, and fears flood out of me like sand through the hourglass. It was a constant flow of expelling poison and my brother was the willing recipient to hear my poison. I think it surprised him and he probably wasn’t expecting a call from me to be a call for help. I released everything that was stuck in my soul about how I felt about death with our parents. It was difficult for my brother to understand what I went through because physically, my parents were okay. My mother was just diagnosed with Addison’s but that was the extent of it. That diagnosis was the first time I realized that my parents were not going to live forever and seeing my grandpa was the catalyst needed to propel confrontation.

It felt really good though. I let it all out and I couldn’t stop sobbing but it felt so relieving. Sometimes you just need to be heard by someone who cares. It doesn’t matter if that someone can give you an answer or cure, sometimes you just need someone with willing ears. I’m grateful that I had a brother who had open ears. I’m glad my God gave me the courage to call my brother. I’m glad my God helped me release my soul. I’m forever grateful my God broke my soul so He could put it back together stronger than ever before. I’m forever grateful my God provided me with a firm soul in him as to allow a young warring spirit to take seed.


“And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.”

Matthew 22: 37


Giving Up :

I believe there is a separation of a soul and spirit yet they are tied. One can live this earthly life with a soul of the world but then your spirit is a spirit of the world. Your soul and spirit are tied to the world, good and bad. When I released my soul, it wasn’t the fact I was getting rid of it to receive a new one. What it means to me is to release my human control and right to my soul. You are at the altar of God when you make the choice to transfer dominion of your soul from you to God, resulting in a soul of heaven. With a soul of heaven, you also may receive a spirit of the heaven. Through a spirit not constrained by the earth and its sin, but by heaven love, your faith can flourish with unbounded limitations. I’ve come to realize that God doesn’t get angry at us when we don’t listen to him, the truth is, is that He is saddened when we don’t give him the opportunity to allow him to help us. When humans cling onto their human control of their soul then they are stealing from the Lord the opportunity for him to give you his salvation. That is a struggle that I face today, but it gets easier over time through Christ.


Unity :

The strongest Christian is characterized when his soul, spirit and his mind are united with one purpose, that is the will of the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, I know He is happy that I am fighting for Him, and I am happy He chose me. I just had to accept it in my heart, you see. For our God has also chosen You, but have You truly accepted it in your heart to be his warrior? The Lord needs only a willing vessel strong in Christ and willing to release the control of their soul. To relinquish the soul-ties to this world in order to accept a heavenly soul capable of nourishing an uncontrollable spirit willing to do anything in the Lord’s name. Will you make the decision to call on others to enable you to do what God wills in us? Will you release your control of your soul and give it to the Lord to allow eternal salvation?



Swords of Revealing Light : Facing Death’s Dark Truths And Overcoming

Introduction :

It was three days before Christmas and I was in the holiday mood. I was recovering from some of the hardest periods of depression and I felt for the first time in a while that there was a sense of calmness in life. School had just finished and I killed the semester and I just felt at ease. It was going to be the first Christmas in three years where I didn’t have to fake that I was dying inside. The honest truth is, was that I was dying but I didn’t want to face the truth. Not only me, but the world around me was dying. I was indeed out of the grips of depression but I just had no feelings or care about me or the outside world. When you don’t care about yourself or the world, you are dying because the world is becoming further away from you as you care less about it.

One of my the fears that I’ve had since I was young was death. I was not afraid of death itself because it was familiar grounds to me. What made me scared of death was how the world would be as a result. I had reached a point in my life where death pertaining to myself, my parents, and my ambitions were slowly being pushed out of my mind because of my tendencies to avoid thinking about it. I was content with stillness, afraid of moving forward, and scared of moving backward. I wasn’t expecting what was going to happen when I would do my regular check up on my parents that night.

The Experience :

I saw, with earthly eyes, grandpa where my father was resting. The last thing on my mind was God but something holy happened that bolted and rejuvenated the life within me. When I realized who I was looking at I became extremely disturbed and out of whack. I froze up and I was in a state of panic and memories of true fear sprang up from the deepest parts of my soul. I am facing my fear, that is death, right now and I have no one here to help me out. Perhaps it was because my father started to look so much like my grandpa that I had not realized it because I was not paying attention to my parents or to life in general. Surely I tell you it was because God was wanting to reveal something deeper within me. Something truer than the fake life that I had been living up to that point. The experience came and went in an Earth second, but it felt like an eternity to my soul. There was an aching pain and as soon as it passed I sprinted outside.

I needed to breathe because I was having a panic attack and it was getting harder to breathe the more I breathed. I needed to talk to someone but I had no one. I had distanced myself from my siblings and I didn’t feel like I could talk to anyone. The one brother that I was once close with in high school would never understand or comprehend what I had experienced or gone through. I determined that God was powerful and I saw my grandpa because I needed to face the truth that I was denied. I was rejecting death and accepting complacency with life. I wasn’t living life to the fullest and just going with the motions.


Confrontation :

Questions that had long been buried arose and there was a great spiritual battle occurring inside my very hearts. My grandpa that I saw represented death, and it was a big wake up call to face my fears and to settle with myself many questions my soul was yearning to ask.


  • If you were to die now, would you love yourself?
  • If you were to die now, would your parents and family be proud?
  • If you were to die now, would the world cry?
  • If you were to die now, would you regret anything?
  • If you were to die now, would you want to live?
  • If you were to die now, would you be forgotten?


Then more flood in faster than I could take them.

  • If your parents were to die now, would you miss them?
  • If your parents were to die now, would you be sad?
  • If your parents were to die now, would you regret not loving them more?
  • If your parents were to die now, would you want them back?
  • If your parents were to die now, can you truly say that they were proud of you?
  • If your parents were to die now, could your family depend on you?


And then the most disturbing of questions.

  • Why are you not facing the truth that life-not-eternal, is life not worth living?
  • Why are you not realizing the life you possess is life that should not be but was given by the grace of God?
  • Why are you not fulfilling My will?
  • Why can you face all these questions and still be okay tomorrow?
  • Why are you afraid of death, when in Me you have eternal life?
  • Why are you rejecting Me and My sacrifice?
  • Why are you lonely in this fight?


Spiritual Penetration :

I was shaking uncontrollably and I was scared. I didn’t know what was going on. The last thing on my mind for years was God. The last real encounter I had with Him was three years ago during my freshman year of college when I was at the point of giving up on life. I didn’t know who was asking these questions whether it was my soul, or if it was Jesus but the experience was surreal. These questions of truth were like swords stabbing my soul to release the toxic poison from within. The swords of truth revealed to me what I was honestly scared of. The swords revealed a path of regret and sorrow where I would be dead in soul well into my golden years until I looked at myself deeply through a mirror. The swords revealed to me the light that was possible at the end of this epic experience if I so chose to believe. Believe I did for I was on my knees praying to a God I had not talked to crying out for His help. I mustered the courage and I called my brother, Hua Yong, and it would be the saving grace that I had cried for and which He had answered with all His love. He did not forget about me and He for sure was not going to let a vessel shrivel up and die because through Him death has no place in my heart.


“Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life. He does not come into judgment, but has passed from death to life.”

John 5:24


Behold ladies and gentlemen is how God found me and how I cried out to Him for His companionship. Like how the grave had no right over Jesus, we too can harness His power so that death has no right in our life or our close ones. In Christ, we die surely, but only to be resurrected in His image, as His loving child, as His helper to carry out His heavenly will.


Premature Burial : How Death Became My Greatest Fear

Introduction :

You see, I was never a truth seeker. As a kid, I read the Bible beginning to end just for fun. I really only liked the Old Testament because of all the fights and the physical manifestation of God’s power on Earth. I hated the New Testament because it was all the same and so I would stop after reading the second chapter! Honestly, hate is the wrong word rather it was because I never understood the New Testament. As a kid, I would go to church with my older brother, HY. Hua Yong started his formal life with God through the University. I believe God isn’t supposed to be formal, in fact, it’s supposed to be informal and the relationship you have with him is to be like best friends. Not like professional business partners.


My Existence :

I didn’t realize that and sadly that was the extent of my relationship with God. God was boring and I was a kid who needed my curiosity satisfied! I never fully understood what all this Mumbai jumbo was beside the fact that I understood my life, and therefore my existence was solely due to my parents’ willingness to adopt me. Had no idea why. I was always ugly and homely looking and adoption would not be the first thing you thought of when you looked at me! I was an orphan from China and by Earthly laws and probability, I should be dead.

You must realize though that God’s works are not bound by probability. The fact remained that I wasn’t dead and that made me conscious of my blessing. This is important because this sense of gratitude is what kept me tied to Him. This sense of realization that I was an error in the universe and by all means, I should be DEAD is what kept me away from facing the cold hard truth. Death was the truth that I kept avoiding at all costs.


Death :

My oldest brother died when he was 34. I was 8 and he was years ahead of us in ages, but he was family and he was the most curious of my siblings. I would say my younger self-loved his big TV and van. He suffered from a degenerative disease that caused him to be handicapped. He had a cool wheelchair and special equipment on his van and I just thought it was the coolest idea. I have vivid memories of bonding and the day that we went to court to make it official was pretty satisfying.

Before I could deal with my brothers’ death, my grandpa died but his death wasn’t as impactful but it still was death. He was the type of guy who really didn’t talk much to us younger kids but I loved his house. There were many good memories of Christmas and playing with my cousins in his basement and riding bikes out in the garage and circular driveway. His basement was messy and there was just so much stuff! I thank him for my curiosity. As a kid, my parents told me he was an inventor. All the cool stuff he had down there engraved in me a sense of discovery that never came into fruition. Every time I went down in the basement, it was like discovering what discovery was (that were put together with electrical tape).


Loneliness from Death :

So being that everything that made me, myself was direct because of them, I did not find it pleasant to go through their deaths. I brushed death aside because it was painful to even think about. The most pivotal moment occurred in the hospital when my brother was in his last moments and we passed an altar. My mom told me to go pray, but I was so filled with rage and hate. I just kind of stood there thinking, I hate death. I don’t understand death. Why am I alive, but the strongest man with the biggest heart had to be dead? How can a good God do that?

I never understood why my mind was more developed when most kids minds were still developing.  During those times, I really wish I was like other kids. We were a band of misfits thrown aside and set in the expired and faulty section of the supermarket. And my parents were the ones who stopped to look at us and buy us. The sad part was that now one of us was going bad because we were expired and faulty and I was angry. His name was Mitch. From Michael came Mitch. Mitch means “gifts from God”. He truly was too many more.


Avoidance From Death :

My grandpa died three years later after God welcomed Mitch in his arms. I don’t think grandpa even remembered all of our names (one year we each had numbers written on our coat as our hollowed costume) but we sure do remember his. It was a bitter funeral and I was more focused on my father than myself. I saw the sorrow in his eyes and I did not understand why. Death was still confusing to me.

He sang in front everyone which must have been hard for him. The song he sang I’m pretty sure was What A Wonderful World by Louis Armstrong. I’m pretty sure because I remember we got to a point in the song “seeing friends shaking hands” where I broke down. I didn’t understand any of the feelings as a child and so it even confused me even more. I was afraid and I pushed Death aside because it hurted. It was my survival instinct to think about everything BUT death.

This instinct carried on through the highs and lows of life. Then I arrived on December 22, 2017 where an experience shooked my world like never before. I wasn’t expecting for what was to happen that night when I got home. I did not expect to see my dead grandpa before my eyes.


“Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going.”

John 14:1-4